Bone

Thursday, December 29, 2005

On learning new things, and making an ass of myself while I learn them...

I learned tonight something interesting about homeless people.

As a Christian, I've always believed that you should give when you can, and even when you can't, because that's what we're supposed to do. Everyone always tells me, "Hey, man, you're too nice." Yeah, it's true, I guess, and mainly what it gets me is kicked in the balls, coupled with general contempt from people I am striving desperately from whom to earn respect. Homeless people pose a challenge. If you see one, you know you're gonna see a bunch, and I try to give everybody something. I know they're usually lying; "Please, man, I'm just trying to get to the bus." Yeah, well, as Stephen Wright says, everyplace is within walking distance if you've got the time. It would seem to me that homeless people have a surfeit of time.

Well, anyway, playing a gig in the city is usually a fun time, and this one paid great, but you know you're either gonna have to shell out a shitload for parking or drive around for a while to find a parking spot. Increase that driving time about one and a half times when you're trying to find a spot big enough to hold the Dragon. I'd rather walk five blocks than pay 24 bones for parking, but I got nailed by three homeless guys just on the way back to the bar. I give 'em each a buck. Hey, by the Lord's blessing I happen to have three bucks to spare. What would Jesus have me do? Hey, share the wealth.

Well, that's all fine and good. And perhaps I'm not old enough, or haven't played in the city enough, to be jaded and callous. But when the gig is over, I had no idea that homeless people wait outside the bar as you're loading your shit out. They offer to help, and that's nice, but I can handle my own shit, thanks. They offer to watch your car for you, but the Dragon's a total shitbasket that I'd have to pay someone to steal. Fine and good. And once all my shit's in the car and the doors are locked, I feel a lot better and I go back in the bar and wait for my cut.

Here's where things get hinky. Tonight's gig was with a band called Brother John, and the musicians are without exception fantastic, and they're all totally worldly and they've been everywhere and I am as out of place among them, I feel, as a cockroach on a wedding cake. They're all professional musicians and I'm a physics teacher.

But by the same token that compels me to give a buck or two to a homeless guy when I see one, I try to help everybody load their shit out as well. Hey, Marty (the drummer), can I grab a tom, or maybe your stick bag, or something, and give you a hand out to the car? Hey, John (the band leader, and overall musical savant), can I grab the monitors, or give you a hand out with the piano or something?

It's just a part of who I am, I guess, and that part of me seems to be somewhat alien to everybody else at this level. I'm learning, I guess.

But the true lesson to be learnt comes after all my shit's in the car, and, rather than sit around watching other people work, I try to jump in where I can, and start hauling shit out to John's van. Hey, I got two hands and a strong back, and there's speakers, speaker stands, monitors, amplifiers, crates containing chart books or cords, mic stands, guitar cases--you know, all the stuff a fully-functioning R & B band would have. I've done it before at other gigs, and whether John or anybody else is appreciative or not I really can't say--I think people would rather me just leave their shit alone, but I can't sit there when there's work to be done and watch other people do it.

Ah, but this time there's homeless guys outside, waiting to help you lift your shit into the car so you might be compelled to slide them a little green. Whether anybody else likes me helping them out with their stuff is one thing; it's definitely not cool for some homeless guy to be grabbing your stuff. Here's what I learned:

1). If the van is outside and the band leader has a few things to load in, DO NOT walk out with a bunch of stuff and set it on the ground next to the van (which seems logical enough to do, as it prevents the band leader from having to make another trip into the bar to grab more shit--it's right there. How convenient). Stacking it on the ground gives homeless people the opportunity to come up and grab something and offer to put it in the van for the band leader. Remember--they do this (I've learned the hard way) so that you'll give them something. (I used to think they were just doing it to be nice.) The band leader does not like this--again, totally understandable. However, when he protests, it becomes obvious to the homeless guy that a) his offer to help has been rejected and b) he's not going to get anything out of it. I've just learned that when this happens,

2). Homeless people get nasty. As I am walking back into the bar to grab more stuff, I hear John and the homeless guy getting into it. This particular guy is calling John a "Ted Nugent lookin' muthafucka." Not only does it not occur to me to stay out there and jump in if the homeless guy starts swinging, as it appears he might, it also does not occur to me to not grab more stuff until I see the other band guys busily stacking shit inside the door to take out to the van once John's got the stuff already out there nicely tucked away. And here, once again while trying to take a load off of someone else, I've made a bigger burden of myself.

I'm learning, I guess, but the curve is very steep.